My trip down memory lane began last week with the Powerless Power-trippers I was unfortunate enough to work for during my stint with the government. Any business that rewards longevity over efficiency and productivity is destined to churn out a slew of really bad bosses. As far as I’m concerned, governments hold the record in this area.

Then there were the WOTH – Way Over Their Heads, aka Clueless. My former head of HR, and bad boss, was a card carrying member of the WOTHs and belonged to the most powerful chapter – the chapter that holds advanced degrees. Armed with her degree of “questionable origin”, she was allowed to wreak havoc on the entire staff for years before finally being terminated (fired not destroyed.)

Today I’m introducing you to The Glory Hound. The Glory Hound while found with great frequency in the government, can be found almost anywhere there’s work to do and glory to be stolen. In my case, after working for months on a major team project, with very little support and/or guidance, the evening finally came when district awards were being given. Our entire team was forced to be sitting together when our category was named. No sooner had our division’s name left the lips of the award presenter that my boss flew out of her chair and hurled herself toward the stage. When it was time for the photo op, she was front and center while I teetered on the edge of the narrow stage.

When the event was over and we’d all returned to the office the following week, the announcement was made that we’d won the award, and that the trophy would be on display in her office. No mention was ever made of my efforts – not once. By definition, Glory Hounds won’t acknowledge your efforts and they won’t share the stage. Ever. And, if they’re really bad they won’t even thank you in private. My glory hound never did, and I’m sure she never will.

Tomorrow: The – Just Going Through The Motions Bad Boss

What the blogosphere’s saying about bosses this week…

Exploitation or deportation – which would you choose? An editorial in The New York Times discusses the awful options some immigrant guest workers are faced with when working for a bad boss.

How not to buy into the brainwashing and get over your bad boss blues. The column’s advice, “the sooner you can let go of the anger and resentment, the better shape your head will be in.” We couldn’t agree more.

Interesting take on the whole bailout, accounting scandal fiasco.  The article in FINS, part of the Wall Street Journal’s digital network, suggests that authoritarian bosses who demand total submission from employees mired in bureaucracy might be at the root of the problem.

When lunch becomes the highlight of your day – a funny rant on the blog, Living Dilbert, about how bad bosses cause carb cravings. I can relate!

Women MBAs make less right out of school than their male counterparts, and are more likely to leave their first jobs because of a bad boss. Research conducted by Nancy Carter and Christine Silva of Catalyst, found that women leaving first jobs were averaging $4,600 lower pay than male counterparts. And because subsequent jobs are usually tied to the salary held at a previous position, the pay gap continues to widen from there. Read a great article on the topic at Clear Admit’s blog.

We agree, and we’d like to add our own five things employers do that drive job seekers crazy:

1. Lying about the company’s turnover rate – I’ve been in a couple of interviews where upon inquiring about the company’s turnover rate, was told “it’s very low.” It was only after being hired that I learned that in some HR circles, “it’s very low” is code for “tell them whatever you need to to get them to stay.”  I was even kept in the dark about a notorious really bad boss who’d had every single direct report in the prior three years walk out on her.  Welcome to your new job.
2. Lying about the potential for advancement– Nothing’s worse than taking a lower paying position with less responsibility based on the promise of future growth, only to learn after you’ve started working, that growth at your new company, much like the existence of unicorns, is a myth. Not only are you reminded daily about the deception, but until you find another job, you’re stuck in a dead end position that doesn’t fully utilize your skills and abilities.  Talk about frustrating.
3. Misrepresenting future plans for the company – This is a little tricky since employers have to hold some information close to the vest, but I’ve heard stories of employees being hired, only to be told less than six months later that the company is being relocated out of the state. Not cool.
4. Compensation, compensation, compensation – I understand it’s up to the job seeker to effectively negotiate salary. But time and time again, situations occur where even after being told point blank that the budget for a position tops out at a certain dollar amount - in essence take it or leave it - employees learn that someone else in the same position with similar experience (or less), is making much more than they are. 
5. Painting a much rosier picture of a company than what actually exists – It’s like going on a phenomenal first date, only to learn later that your knight in shining armor is a cretin. On parole. Who lives with his mother.  Yes, the reality of some companies can be that bad. Trust me, I speak from experience.  Most of us would end it with the cretin right away.  Not so easy with a job.  While the cretin isn’t paying you (we hope), your job is. 

Unfortunately for many of us, particularly in this economy, turning down job offers, even when we sense we’re climbing into the lion’s den isn’t an option.  So for that reason alone, we ask employers to be more honest with their candidates.  After all, don’t they expect honesty from us?

Retro hose

The other day I promised to provide details regarding the frequent pantyhose inspections that took place at my former job.  Long since paroled  resigned from that position, today, shamefaced and humiliated, I’ll briefly summarize how a master degreed professional was reduced to a work life replete with fearful sick leave taking, snack sneaking, and pantyhose wars. 

In the same office where employees were subject to human voice analysis for sick day legitimacy and where random trashcan inspections were elevated to an art form, monitoring female employees for pantyhose wearage (no, it’s not a real word) was a priority.  I know what you’re thinking.  How is it possible that all that Really Bad Boss talent was concentrated in one office?  Implausible as it may seem, it’s true.  If there’s a management guide on how to demoralize employees, lose their trust and respect, and cause heat stroke, these managers read it, perfected it and then submitted tips on how to improve it.  And on page 378 is an entry that reads something like this “Failure of subordinates to wear pantyhose will cause the total and complete meltdown of the system, resulting in a shifting of the earth on it axis.”  I’ve never had access to the manual, but page 378 must have been dire to elicit the kind of fervent adherence to pantyhose wearage displayed by management.

The irony of the whole thing is that in their eyes, wearing pantyhose epitomized professionalism.  In their minds, clients would overlook the worn carpets and drab office walls.  They’d tolerate long wait times, antiquated office machinery and incomplete and incorrect answers to their questions.  But what they would not tolerate is the sight of stocking-less legs.  We disagreed, but unable to openly defy the establishment, the bravest among us skirted the issue (pun intended) by wearing pants even in the middle of summer.  And thus, the pantyhose wars began.  As with most wars, there were no clear winners.  Management was left with an angry, demoralized staff, and the pants wearers, well, we were just hot.

Yesterday I introduced you to Mary, the unbelievably clueless HR Manager and really bad boss at one of my previous jobs. So you could be sure I wasn’t making it up, I promised to give you details of a couple of Mary’s finer moments including her inability to hire good people, her addiction to potluck luncheons and her two week maternity leave policy. Without further ado:

She demonstrated a complete and utter inability to find, hire and keep good talent - Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the hallmarks of good HR Management the ability to find and keep the right people? If that’s true, yet your company remains a revolving door of people and positions, doesn’t that mean there’s something seriously amiss in HR? Can every candidate be so misleading during the interview process that you completely miss the warning signs that within their first week at work, they’ll call out sick, ask several coworkers ”how long before you can request vacation time?” and steal food from the refrigerator?  The problem was that Mary had a habit of posting positions, bringing in one or two candidates to interview and praying that the one without the felony would excel in the interview.  I’m exaggerating slightly – very slightly – but, the obvious problem with that is, you end up hiring the best of the worst.  In another case, we sensed something was awry with one of the managers she’d just hired (the 3^rd person in that position in about 2 years) when after only about a week, he kept falling asleep during meetings.  He was gone in just under three months, and so was the manager (again, one of two people interviewed) that followed him. 

She was determined to solve all the company’s problems with potluck luncheons - I liken it to roasting marshmallows on a camping trip while the forest is burning down around you.  In Mary’s case she wasn’t roasting marshmallows; she was planning monthly potluck luncheons.  Don’t get me wrong, I love a good potluck luncheon as much as the next guy, but when Napoleon is mixing a batch of poisonous Kool-Aid in the kitchen, the CEO is stone drunk at the sales meeting and you are on your third customer service manager in less than two years, chicken pot pie and macaroni and cheese will not solve the problem.  Note to Mary; neither will celebrating National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, National Ice Cream Sunday Day or any other “holiday” featuring tasty treats.

She attempted to implement a two week maternity leave policy. When it comes to certain employment laws, different rules apply for small businesses.  In our case, establishing policies, including those governing maternity leave, was at the discretion of the employer. So, when a pregnant colleague went to Mary to discuss her impending maternity leave, she was shocked to learn that Mary’s idea of appropriate maternity leave was two weeks.  In her typically helpful way, Mary suggested that the employee use her vacation time (also two weeks) if she needed more time.  Need I say more?

Maybe in another post, I’ll tell you about her sending a bottle of cologne – just because he said he liked it- to her male subordinate, her mood swings that would leave the entire office wondering if this was one of her non-talking days and her inability to handle even an ounce of criticism.

 The real rub in all of this is that while many employees have all either quit, been laid off, or fired, Mary is still there, planning her potlucks, celebrating her make believe holidays and remaining completely oblivious to the raging fire burning everything down around her.

Remember Napoleon? My overzealous former boss who repeatedly encouraged us to “drink the Kool-Aid”  believing that  repeatedly referring to Jim Jones and his suicidal cult followers was an effective and appropriate motivational tool?  Well, in addition to questioning his sanity, I questioned the competence of the gate keepers who invited him through the door and allowed him to stay even after everyone realized that something had gone drastically wrong.  

One of those gate keepers was our Human Resources manager Mary*.   Prior to Mary, my dealings with HR Managers had been pretty positive, albeit infrequent.  In my experience, HR managers were the quiet dedicated professionals who implemented corporate policies; made sure we got paid on time and went to bat for employees when management went rogue.  That is, until Mary.  Mary forever changed the way I viewed HR.  It’s sort of like taking your car for granted until the bottom falls out of it while you’re driving down the highway. In the left lane. Going 75 miles an hour.  Unless you’re Fred Flintstone and you work at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company, the complete and utter failure of your trusted automobile will be absolutely unbelievable and render it completely ineffective. That’s exactly how I’d describe Mary. Absolutely unbelievable and completely ineffective.

You know how we all have that family member who whenever he opens his mouth in mixed company, everyone  (who’s normal) cringes? Simultaneously crossing their fingers and praying that he doesn’t say something stupid, while at the same time gathering their belongings because they know that in about two minutes they’ll be leaving. Well, if you’re a good HR Manager and you love your profession, start gathering your belongings. Because Mary is that family member and her HR skills will have you denying kinship.  Hypersensitive, overly emotional and inclined to share way too much personal information with colleagues, Mary was, and most likely still is, the worst and most dangerous kind of really bad boss…the kind who doesn’t know how bad she really is. She’s way over her head and absolutely, completely and totally clueless of that fact.

Tomorrow  I’ll share with you some of the highlights of Mary’s incompetence, including her two week maternity leave policy, her obsession with potluck luncheons (she’s a functional potluckaholic) and her comical attempt at creating and implementing official corporate policies. 

*Names have been changed to protect…well, me.

Stock Photo

In what we consider a classic really bad boss move, a manager at Dean Health in Madison, Wisconsin called a nurse out of surgery…to lay her off.  A spokesperson for Dean Health said the manager violated medical protocol.  You think?   Dean Health says the surgery was minor and the patient wasn’t affected.  I’ll ask the question for all of us.  If the surgery was minor, couldn’t the layoff wait until after the surgery was done?  Dean Health announced on Wednesday that they were planning on “immediately” laying off 90 employees.  I guess this manager took the announcement literally. I’ve seen it in my own experiences, managers who lack the common sense to think through a management directive and act appropriately, or who blindly, and unquestionably do whatever upper management tells them to do.  To these individuals, we’d like to suggest a novel approach to management.  It involves Thinking. It really works. No, really. You should try it.  Source

1. You inspire the creation of the website www.reallybadboss.com – If your actions and behavior are so mind numbingly ridiculous that they inspire the creation of a cottage industry based primarily on the asinine things you’ve said and done, you can rest assured…you’re a really bad boss.  
2. Your turnover rate is 100%  – Ok, so maybe not 100%, but if people would rather make minimum wage dressed like  sandwiches/crustacean/ the statue of liberty and dance in the street in front of the local sandwich/seafood/tax preparation shop – in Arizona, in July – than work for you, you might be a really bad boss.
3. The term “Bossnapping” is coined to describe what your employees have just done to you – Some French workers have taken their disgust at their really bad bosses too far. A rash of boss kidnappings – Bossnappings – have plagued France recently.  Worse, 45% of French people surveyed think that it’s ok.  Let’s hope Bossnapping doesn’t cross the ocean.  Felonies don’t look good on resumes.
4. There has been at least one assassination (or coup) attempt on your life, and you work in, for example…the paper goods industry – Assassination attempts and coups are pretty common in some of the more volatile areas of the world where dissatisfaction with leadership is the norm and not the exception. But, Michael Scott notwithstanding, if you make paper or thumbtacks, or some very uncontroversial product and people are trying to depose you or have you forcibly removed from your position, you might be a really bad boss. 
5. Someone quits live on the air – Arnetta the Moodsetta says it best. Click here for the audio.

Got something to add to the You might be a really bad boss list? Add it in the comment section after the jump.

Photo: Barcroft Media

  Something to make you smile on Monday

Remember when I told you about the really bad boss I had with the massive ponytail hair extension.  I fantasized about snatching it off her head and dunking it into her 64oz Big Gulp.  Well someone had the idea to style actual horses hair and photograph it.  See some of the pics and the full story here.  If only my boss’ extensions had looked this good. 

P.S.  I know there’s a horses ass joke in there somewhere…but I just can’t find it right now.

Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

The idea for Really bad boss came to me after a particularly frustrating day at work.  I came home angry and annoyed, asking myself the same questions I’d been asking for the past few years and over the past two or three bosses – “Why am I working for this idiot?”, “How? How is he in charge of anything at all, much less a company?!”  And, I wondered, how on earth he’d gotten the position he’d gotten, with all its accompanying power and influence.  How was he able to sneak in under the radar?   

The worst part was my experience with this company wasn’t an isolated one.  I thought about the VP of a former company, who within six months of being hired was drunk off his skull, dirty dancing on a table at the Christmas party.  He “resigned”, bonus intact, about a week later.   Or the CEO who, during an annual sales meeting, opted to complete a crossword puzzle, as the owner and board members discussed the uncertain future of the company.   And of course, I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, the VP who fondly referred to the Jim Jones’ cult and its members’ mass suicide as the ultimate in company loyalty.  You mean to tell me, that the same stringent screening process that had me in a three part interview that stretched over a four week period, and that can disqualify an hourly worker for having bad credit, can’t detect a pension for crossword puzzles, an affinity for cults or an alcoholic?  Ok, maybe that’s asking a bit much, but who are the gatekeepers letting these people in? Has anyone checked them out?  Why does it seem that those with the most responsibility and the most power, have the least ability to use them effectively and why are the rest of us beholden to them?  – think AIG, Congress, the SEC…

Webster has several definitions for the word boss including; a young cow, a person who exercises control or authority and a protuberant part or body.  While I’ve had bosses who fit into all three categories, I like the definition of a boss as being anyone who exercises control or authority.  By that definition, bosses aren’t limited to the workplace.   From politics – think  Rod Blagojevich and Elliot Spitzer, to Business – think AIG, Bank of America,  to Government – the SEC , entertainment, sports, I could go on and on.  In fact, in our own lives, we’re bosses over our own choices and decisions…

Which brings me to why I launched Reallybadboss.com.  I wanted to create a space for people to share their really bad boss stories and more importantly how they got through them.  Especially these days with unemployment levels hovering at near double digits, I think many of us feel stuck.  Stuck in jobs we may or may not like, but worse, stuck with bosses we neither like nor respect.  What got me through the last few months with the last really bad boss were friends, laughter and sharing stories with people who were in the same boat as me.  I want us to hold a mirror up to the really bad bosses around us, examine their behavior and do the exact opposite of what they’re doing.  I want Reallybadboss.com to be the place where we learn everything we can from the situations we’re in, and maybe have a laugh or two while we’re at it.