CNN Money ran a story Wednesday about five ways companies mistreat job seekers.  CNN’s five include: 1) Not respecting candidates’ time, 2) not sharing their hiring timeline, 3) asking for the candidate’s salary range without revealing theirs, 4) misrepresenting the job and 5) not letting candidates know when they’re no longer under consideration.

We agree, and we’d like to add our own five things employers do that drive job seekers crazy:

1. Lying about the company’s turnover rate – I’ve been in a couple of interviews where upon inquiring about the company’s turnover rate, was told “it’s very low.” It was only after being hired that I learned that in some HR circles, “it’s very low” is code for “tell them whatever you need to to get them to stay.”  I was even kept in the dark about a notorious really bad boss who’d had every single direct report in the prior three years walk out on her.  Welcome to your new job.
2. Lying about the potential for advancement– Nothing’s worse than taking a lower paying position with less responsibility based on the promise of future growth, only to learn after you’ve started working, that growth at your new company, much like the existence of unicorns, is a myth. Not only are you reminded daily about the deception, but until you find another job, you’re stuck in a dead end position that doesn’t fully utilize your skills and abilities.  Talk about frustrating.
3. Misrepresenting future plans for the company – This is a little tricky since employers have to hold some information close to the vest, but I’ve heard stories of employees being hired, only to be told less than six months later that the company is being relocated out of the state. Not cool.
4. Compensation, compensation, compensation – I understand it’s up to the job seeker to effectively negotiate salary. But time and time again, situations occur where even after being told point blank that the budget for a position tops out at a certain dollar amount - in essence take it or leave it - employees learn that someone else in the same position with similar experience (or less), is making much more than they are. 
5. Painting a much rosier picture of a company than what actually exists – It’s like going on a phenomenal first date, only to learn later that your knight in shining armor is a cretin. On parole. Who lives with his mother.  Yes, the reality of some companies can be that bad. Trust me, I speak from experience.  Most of us would end it with the cretin right away.  Not so easy with a job.  While the cretin isn’t paying you (we hope), your job is. 

Unfortunately for many of us, particularly in this economy, turning down job offers, even when we sense we’re climbing into the lion’s den isn’t an option.  So for that reason alone, we ask employers to be more honest with their candidates.  After all, don’t they expect honesty from us?

Retro hose

The other day I promised to provide details regarding the frequent pantyhose inspections that took place at my former job.  Long since paroled  resigned from that position, today, shamefaced and humiliated, I’ll briefly summarize how a master degreed professional was reduced to a work life replete with fearful sick leave taking, snack sneaking, and pantyhose wars. 

In the same office where employees were subject to human voice analysis for sick day legitimacy and where random trashcan inspections were elevated to an art form, monitoring female employees for pantyhose wearage (no, it’s not a real word) was a priority.  I know what you’re thinking.  How is it possible that all that Really Bad Boss talent was concentrated in one office?  Implausible as it may seem, it’s true.  If there’s a management guide on how to demoralize employees, lose their trust and respect, and cause heat stroke, these managers read it, perfected it and then submitted tips on how to improve it.  And on page 378 is an entry that reads something like this “Failure of subordinates to wear pantyhose will cause the total and complete meltdown of the system, resulting in a shifting of the earth on it axis.”  I’ve never had access to the manual, but page 378 must have been dire to elicit the kind of fervent adherence to pantyhose wearage displayed by management.

The irony of the whole thing is that in their eyes, wearing pantyhose epitomized professionalism.  In their minds, clients would overlook the worn carpets and drab office walls.  They’d tolerate long wait times, antiquated office machinery and incomplete and incorrect answers to their questions.  But what they would not tolerate is the sight of stocking-less legs.  We disagreed, but unable to openly defy the establishment, the bravest among us skirted the issue (pun intended) by wearing pants even in the middle of summer.  And thus, the pantyhose wars began.  As with most wars, there were no clear winners.  Management was left with an angry, demoralized staff, and the pants wearers, well, we were just hot.

When good HR goes bad – Absolutely unbelievable Mary – Part 2

Yesterday I introduced you to Mary, the unbelievably clueless HR Manager and really bad boss at one of my previous jobs. So you could be sure I wasn’t making it up, I promised to give you details of a couple of Mary’s finer moments including her inability to hire good people, her addiction to potluck luncheons and her two week maternity leave policy. Without further ado:

She demonstrated a complete and utter inability to find, hire and keep good talent - Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the hallmarks of good HR Management the ability to find and keep the right people? If that’s true, yet your company remains a revolving door of people and positions, doesn’t that mean there’s something seriously amiss in HR? Can every candidate be so misleading during the interview process that you completely miss the warning signs that within their first week at work, they’ll call out sick, ask several coworkers ”how long before you can request vacation time?” and steal food from the refrigerator?  The problem was that Mary had a habit of posting positions, bringing in one or two candidates to interview and praying that the one without the felony would excel in the interview.  I’m exaggerating slightly – very slightly – but, the obvious problem with that is, you end up hiring the best of the worst.  In another case, we sensed something was awry with one of the managers she’d just hired (the 3^rd person in that position in about 2 years) when after only about a week, he kept falling asleep during meetings.  He was gone in just under three months, and so was the manager (again, one of two people interviewed) that followed him. 

She was determined to solve all the company’s problems with potluck luncheons - I liken it to roasting marshmallows on a camping trip while the forest is burning down around you.  In Mary’s case she wasn’t roasting marshmallows; she was planning monthly potluck luncheons.  Read the rest of this entry »

When even Human Resources is really, really bad

Remember Napoleon? My overzealous former boss who repeatedly encouraged us to “drink the Kool-Aid”  believing that  repeatedly referring to Jim Jones and his suicidal cult followers was an effective and appropriate motivational tool?  Well, in addition to questioning his sanity, I questioned the competence of the gate keepers who invited him through the door and allowed him to stay even after everyone realized that something had gone drastically wrong.  

One of those gate keepers was our Human Resources manager Mary*.   Prior to Mary, my dealings with HR Managers had been pretty positive, albeit infrequent.  In my experience, HR managers were the quiet dedicated professionals who implemented corporate policies; made sure we got paid on time and went to bat for employees when management went rogue.  That is, until Mary.  Mary forever changed the way I viewed HR.  It’s sort of like taking your car for granted until the bottom falls out of it while you’re driving down the highway. In the left lane. Going 75 miles an hour.  Unless you’re Fred Flintstone and you work at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company, the complete and utter failure of your trusted automobile will be absolutely unbelievable and render it completely ineffective. That’s exactly how I’d describe Mary. Absolutely unbelievable and completely ineffective.

You know how we all have that family member who whenever he opens his mouth in mixed company, everyone  (who’s normal) cringes? Simultaneously crossing their fingers and praying that he doesn’t say something stupid, while at the same time gathering their belongings because they know that in about two minutes they’ll be leaving. Well, if you’re a good HR Manager and you love your profession, start gathering your belongings. Because Mary is that family member and her HR skills will have you denying kinship.  Hypersensitive, overly emotional and inclined to share way too much personal information with colleagues, Mary was, and most likely still is, the worst and most dangerous kind of really bad boss…the kind who doesn’t know how bad she really is. She’s way over her head and absolutely, completely and totally clueless of that fact.

Tomorrow  I’ll share with you some of the highlights of Mary’s incompetence, including her two week maternity leave policy, her obsession with potluck luncheons (she’s a functional potluckaholic) and her comical attempt at creating and implementing official corporate policies. 

*Names have been changed to protect…well, me.

Stock Photo

In what we consider a classic really bad boss move, a manager at Dean Health in Madison, Wisconsin called a nurse out of surgery…to lay her off.  A spokesperson for Dean Health said the manager violated medical protocol.  You think?   Dean Health says the surgery was minor and the patient wasn’t affected.  I’ll ask the question for all of us.  If the surgery was minor, couldn’t the layoff wait until after the surgery was done?  Dean Health announced on Wednesday that they were planning on “immediately” laying off 90 employees.  I guess this manager took the announcement literally. I’ve seen it in my own experiences, managers who lack the common sense to think through a management directive and act appropriately, or who blindly, and unquestionably do whatever upper management tells them to do.  To these individuals, we’d like to suggest a novel approach to management.  It involves Thinking. It really works. No, really. You should try it.  Source

 So people are talking about reallybadboss.com and you’re laughing along with them and participating in the water cooler conversations when it dawns on you that you’re a boss yourself.  You start to wonder if your employees could be talking about you.  Not sure if you’re a really bad boss?  Here are five surefire ways to tell: You might be a really bad boss if…

1. You inspire the creation of the website www.reallybadboss.com – If your actions and behavior are so mind numbingly ridiculous that they inspire the creation of a cottage industry based primarily on the asinine things you’ve said and done, you can rest assured…you’re a really bad boss.  
2. Your turnover rate is 100%  – Ok, so maybe not 100%, but if people would rather make minimum wage dressed like  sandwiches/crustacean/ the statue of liberty and dance in the street in front of the local sandwich/seafood/tax preparation shop – in Arizona, in July – than work for you, you might be a really bad boss.
3. The term “Bossnapping” is coined to describe what your employees have just done to you – Some French workers have taken their disgust at their really bad bosses too far. A rash of boss kidnappings – Bossnappings – have plagued France recently.  Worse, 45% of French people surveyed think that it’s ok.  Let’s hope Bossnapping doesn’t cross the ocean.  Felonies don’t look good on resumes.
4. There has been at least one assassination (or coup) attempt on your life, and you work in, for example…the paper goods industry – Assassination attempts and coups are pretty common in some of the more volatile areas of the world where dissatisfaction with leadership is the norm and not the exception. But, Michael Scott notwithstanding, if you make paper or thumbtacks, or some very uncontroversial product and people are trying to depose you or have you forcibly removed from your position, you might be a really bad boss. 
5. Someone quits live on the air – Arnetta the Moodsetta says it best. Click here for the audio.

Got something to add to the You might be a really bad boss list? Add it in the comment section after the jump.

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Photo: Barcroft Media

  Something to make you smile on Monday

Remember when I told you about the really bad boss I had with the massive ponytail hair extension.  I fantasized about snatching it off her head and dunking it into her 64oz Big Gulp.  Well someone had the idea to style actual horses hair and photograph it.  See some of the pics and the full story here.  If only my boss’ extensions had looked this good. 

P.S.  I know there’s a horses ass joke in there somewhere…but I just can’t find it right now.