The worst kind of betrayal is one you never see coming. New jobs are a lot like relationships in that way. I call it the Sweet Deceit. It’s that warm, fuzzy, deceptive feeling of comfort and security that sets in when you start a new job.  It blinds you to glaring omissions during the interview process, or the inability of the interviewer to make direct eye contact, and it quiets that voice in your head that’s screaming “girl, RUN.” You fall even harder if you’ve left a really bad job or bad boss behind. Everything is exciting and new and thrilling and you feel like you can conquer the world.

That’s how I felt when I left my low paying, dead end job working for the government, to accept a slightly less low paying but much more promising position working in the private sector.  With the promise of a new career, came lofty dreams of conquering the world, one marketing plan at a time. It was a sweet, hopeful feeling and it lasted about eight months.

I should have been suspicious when the VP of marketing took me to lunch during my first week and dedicated much of the conversation to denying the rumor that he was “seeing” the CEO. A rumor I had not yet heard nor cared anything about.  The whole time he kept talking, I kept thinking “thou dost protest too much methinks…”  Couple that with the lie I was told about a low turnover rate. A lie which was uncovered after less than a month on the job when I learned that all the people the HR Manager told me had been with the company for 20 years, were crazy. All two of them. She also neglected to mention that everyone else in the office (a relatively small in-house staff of less than 20 people) had been with the company for less than 4 years. I probably could have probed deeper, should have asked more detailed questions, but I was coming from an office who’s idea of professionalism included random pantyhose inspections and snackless hell. Anything, I thought, absolutely anything, would be a step up. And for a little while I was right.

For a while, I let the deception about the turnover rate and secret rendezvous slide. I even tried to ignore the unpredictable, and sometimes volatile, behavior of the HR Manager, holding out hope that my dream job would somehow become a reality.  I now know I had too much hope in them, and not enough in myself. Had I not been so blinded by helping someone else – the company, it’s owners – achieve their goals, I probably would have been more focused on achieving mine. I stayed and worked. Worked hard. While the HR Manager took long lunches and skipped out early every Friday, I toiled to make things right. While the CEO played solitaire at his desk, the worker bees toiled away preparing  national presentations on his behalf. I was dedicated and committed to weatherering the company through the storm. The problem was, while I was dedicated to the company, the leadership was dedicated to itself.

Which brings me to a lesson learned

Work hard… for yourself.  Yes, of course, you’re getting paid to work for them, and work you should. I put in ten hour days and worked weekends because I wanted to do a good job for the company. And when it was all said and done, I wanted them to acknowledge my efforts and reward my dedication.  For my efforts however, I got an “eh” severance package, a hug from an HR manager I loathed, and a LinkedIn request to join her network (yes, she was that clueless.)

Fortunately, that’s not all I got. I hadn’t just been working hard for the company, I also worked hard because I wanted to learn and absorb everything I could. I wanted the challenge of producing quality work with a nothing budget. I wanted to learn how to keep a cool head amidst chaos and confusion. And I wanted to know that I could produce under pressure, extreme pressure. Had I not been motivated to work hard for my own self growth, being laid off would have been a devastating blow. Instead, the layoff gave me the presence of mine to put everything I’d learned to work for me. It certainly isn’t easy, but working hard for yourself pays off long after the job you’re working for stops paying you.

My next lesson…Fool me once, shame on you

That’s what she said.  Maybe those weren’t her exact words. And no, I’m not talking about Marie Antoinette. When the director of the training center where I’d worked for about a year called us into her office to announce that due to curriculum changes our positions would be eliminated, and that we’d be having cake at what would be our last weekly staff meeting, she might as well have been Marie Antoinette, telling the hungry, breadless French to eat cake.

This was my first layoff, so I hadn’t yet developed the thick skin that years of dealing with really bad bosses gives you.  I was taking it personally. I’d been a dedicated worker, had received great reviews and was loved by my students.  So while she was nonchalantly explaining the paperwork we’d need to complete before we hit the bricks, I was still wondering if I’d heard her correctly. I thought, “Let me get this straight, you’ve just told me I no longer have a job, and you want me to celebrate with cake?!”  Obviously this woman had never been laid off.  Surely this isn’t common.  Surely employers don’t dismiss you and then tell you that on your last day there’ll be cake in the conference room.  It’s not like I resigned, or got another job.  I was being let go, my feelings were hurt, and no amount of carb overloading would fix that.  Read the rest of this entry »