Proving once again that politicians can get government work even after a fall from grace

Senator Larry Craig

Former Senator, Larry Craig - Forging new pathways...feet first

One of our favorite really bad political bosses and airport bathroom loitering, toe tapping, under-stall hand swiping senators, Larry Craig, is opening his own consulting firm

New West Strategies is… “Forging Pathways to Better Gov….gljersskg… Government ”  Sorry, I was laughing so hard, my head hit the keyboard.   Forging pathways to better government, really?  By lying about your lifestyle, playing the victim, and then suggesting the world misconstrued your actions?  Yeah, good luck with that. 

We’d like suggest a pathway few politicians know about…it’s the pathway of truth.  We hear the path is narrow, yet rewarding.  Somehow though, we think New West Strategies will opt to forge pathways by: 

  • Publicly denouncing a lifestyle, while secretly living it
  • Teaching clients how to successfully fool absolutely no one, except for their wives, into believing their stories about what they did and did not intend to do in a public bathroom
  • Especially for politicians – Giving lessons on how to get your wife to stand behind you no matter what you did
  • And finally, how to get PAID and re-elected after public humiliation and forced resignation. Special consultant – Marion Barry

We’ve said time and time again, if only we could rebound from lies, cheating and scandal the way these politicians do.  In the real world, really bad bosses like Craig and his ilk would be joining the ever growing unemployment lines across the country instead of opening businesses  and being offered reality television shows.

Rabbis, assemblymen and mayors oh my…

Rabbis, Assemblymen and mayors oh my…

44 arrested in NJ probe (Louis Lanzano/Associated Press)

44 arrested in NJ probe (Louis Lanzano/Associated Press)

Last Thursday the floodgates opened and in the fragrant state we call NJ, over 44 people – in charge in some form or another of other people – were arrested in connection with a sweeping corruption and money laundering probe.  Included in the arrests were:

  • 5 rabbis
  • 3 mayors
  • a host of assemblymen
  • fire inspectors
  • and a partridge in a pear tree. 

There is so much wrong with this picture, I don’t know where to start.  From illegal fundraising, to knock-off Gucci bags to black market kidneys – yes black market kidneys –  this thing runs the gamut. See a list of some of the Really Bad Boss wannabees and their crimes here.

Update:  Charges against the partridge were eventually dropped.

Seven ridiculous lies and the politicians who told them

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

Politicians are our favorite kind of bosses. They have authority and power over a lot of people, and as luck would have it, quite a few of them are really bad. In light of Marion Barry popping up in the news last week for allegedly stalking a female friend, and as Rod Blagojevich continues to deny what we all know to be true, we thought it’d be fitting to compile a list of seven memorable lies politicians have told us. Can you guess which really bad politicians uttered the following whoppers?

1.       “I want you to listen to me…I did not have sexual relations with that woman…Ms. Lewinsky”.   No guessing games here.  The infamous Clinton/Lewinsky dalliances have long been public information, stains and all.  What makes Clinton’s denial so infuriating is the vehemence in which he initially denied the accusations.  Watch the video here. Then, Clinton famously redefined the term sexual relations.  Only a president could get away with that. Which brings me to our next quote…

2.       “When the President does it, it means that it is not illegal” – Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate in 1978.  From infidelity, to wire tapping to creatively inventing WMDs, presidents are notorious for “bending” the law.  Nixon just summed up what many of them secretly believe. President’s are above the law. But presidents aren’t the only politicians to bend the law.

blago close up

The Lying King - Rod Blagojevich

3.       “…those simple values that they teach us in Sunday school, the Golden Rule…those are the things I’m going to keep fighting for…I haven’t let you down.”  There are at least two lies in this sentence, and it’s a wonder Rod Blagojevich didn’t get struck by lightning immediately after saying the words “Sunday” and “school”  in the same sentence. The foul mouth, helmet headed former Chicago governor uttered those words on his last day in office.  He didn’t mention that he actually slept through most of his Sunday school classes or that he wouldn’t know the Golden Rule if it tried to comb his hair. And yes, Blago, you did let us down and probably God too. Speaking of God…

4.       “it is my hope that I am able to follow the example set by David in the Bible - who after his fall from grace humbly refocused on the work at hand” We collectively gave Mark Sanford the side eye for that one, particularly since there’s no mention of David going AWOL in the Bible and then crying at a press conference on his return from Argentina five days later.  No mention of David skipping out on Father’s Day either.

5.       “The story is false. It’s completely untrue, ridiculous…made up” – Former senator and one time presidential candidate John Edwards denying an affair with a campaign assistant.  When it became clear that he did have the affair, Edwards gave a contrite interview on ABC, admitting to repeatedly lying about the affair even during his presidential campaign.

6.       “…they were misconstruing my actions.”   Here’s a hint, he’s got the widest and most inappropriate

The "misconstrued" Larry Craig

The "misconstrued" Larry Craig

 bathroom stance in the history of bathroom stances.  That would be former Senator Larry Craig.  And which actions did the cops misconstrue? It may have been when he hovered around the entrance to the men’s restroom, a well known gay pick up spot. Or did the arresting officer occupying the stall next to him misconstrue his intricate foot tapping, hand swiping routine? I’ve discussed this with several of my male friends, and NONE of them have ever, even accidentally, done any of the things Craig did in that public restroom, much less all of them. Seriously Craig?

7.       “Occasional cocaine use” While I couldn’t find the actual quote from Marion Barry, his attorney did admit that Barry was an occasional cocaine user. Because occasional cocaine use is so much more acceptable than crack use, which Barry had been caught on tape engaging in. No worries for him though, because after serving a six month prison sentence, Barry was re-elected as Washington D.C.’s mayor.

In the end, politicians who lie for a living do so because a lot of the time, they get away with it.  Sure some lose their positions of power, but many others stay in power and in a few years their trespasses have been forgiven and forgotten.   If only the world was as forgiving towards the rest of us. 

Steele’s menu choices get him the Really Bad Boss Tool of the Week Award

Michael Steele's keepin' it real

Michael Steele's keepin' it real

RNC Chair Michael Steele continues to do everything in his power to attract minorities to the Republican Party.  And by attract, we mean swear them off for life.  He seems to be aiming for a Really Bad Boss Lifetime Achievement Award, and if he keeps it up, he’ll get several.  In his seven months as RNC Chair, Steele has done the following:

  • Suggested that hosting hip hop rallies was the key to recruiting a younger, more diverse following for the Republican party.
  • Said Limbaugh’s words were “incendiary” and “ugly” and then ate his own words after having them shoved back down his throat by the puppet master himself.
  • Referred to the stimulus package as a lot of “bling bling”, planned an “off the hook” strategy to attract minorities and, referred to “one armed midgets” in one of his speeches.
  • Declares there’ll be no more apologizing from the Republican Party, and then fearfully continues to apologize to Rush Limbaugh on the rare occasions when he has an original thought.
  • Thinks that fried chicken and potato salad will attract diversity to the Republican Party.  In the same interview, refers to the end of slavery, but doesn’t seem to believe it himself.

All this and he’s only held the position for about seven months. For his sheer ignorance and intense stupidity, Michael Steele gets this week’s Really Bad Boss Tool of the Week Award. He’s earned it.

Inmate number 61727-054

Inmate no. 61727-054 aka Bernie Madoff

Inmate no. 61727-054 aka Bernie Madoff

Our friend, and Really Bad Boss Lifetime Achievement Award recipient Bernie Madoff, arrived at the Butner Federal Correctional Complex in North Carolina today yesterday. There, Madoff begins serving his 150-year sentence for masterminding a billion-dollar Ponzi scheme.  His new digs include bunk beds, a toilet and a sink. Madoff will get a daily 15 minute phone privilege, which he’ll no doubt use to call Ruth and reminisce about the good old days of stealing people’s money.

Herb Hoelter, CEO of the National Center on Institutions and Alternatives, a group that aims to influence sentencing of criminals, says that Madoff’s 150 year sentence will give him street cred in prison.  Ironic now that Madoff’s in prison he finally gets the respect of his true peers, fellow criminals.

Source: CBS News

The Burris Bounce – The fall and fall of Roland Burris

I have no idea what I'm doing...

I have no idea what I'm doing...

After months of wasting a valuable seat on the senate floor, Roland Burris finally realized that when we said “Don’t take it,” we meant it.  He’s useless as Illinois’ senator.  His hasty, shady appointment by Rod Blagojevich pretty much guaranteed that. 

Scraping together the little pride he has left, last week the 71 year old Burris announced he would not be campaigning to keep his senate seat.  Still displaying that cute little clueless thing he does so well, he proclaimed that he was not bowing out because of the controversy surrounding his appointment, but because he couldn’t afford to stay in the race.  We think he spent a couple of months in the senate and realized he didn’t know what the hell anyone was talking about.  He then decided that bowing out gracelesslyfully was better than being thrown out on his ass.   

 Burris’ bow-out comes on the heels of Blagojevich’s top aide making a deal with the feds that could reveal a lot more about the depth of Blagojevich’s corruption.  Is it possible Burris knows the scope of what’s about to be uncovered and wants out before it gets too deep? Probably. 

It’s a shame that Burris will go down in history as Illinois’ first African American senator.  At best his tenure will be laughable.  But his worst fear, that he won’t be remembered at all, is probably much more likely.