Despite his hurt feelings about losing The Tonight Show, Conan O’Brien is in an envious position right now and it’s not just because of his reported $40 million payout for leaving NBC. Conan is king because he got to mock, ridicule and otherwise shame the bad boss goofs at NBC who got him and the network in this whole mess in the first place.

Think about it. For the last couple of weeks, Conan’s been paid millions of dollars to diss his own bosses – and he’s been loving it, and so have we.  Julia Roberts even got in on it on the red carpet at the Golden Globes. And although Leno was some of the collateral damage – deservedly or not – the world stood behind Conan in declaring the real screw ups in this matter as NBC. How often does that happen? How often in “real life” does the laid off employee get a national platform to complain about his bosses and there’s nothing the bosses can do about it? Never. And that’s why, no matter where you fall in the late night battle between Jay and Conan, you’ve got to admit, that at least for a little while, Conan was king.

Like the rest of the country, well the rest of the country who cared, we were pretty shocked six months ago to see the bruises on pop singer Rihanna’s face, and even more shocked to learn they got there as a result of a beating handed down by her just as famous, pop-star boyfriend, Chris Brown.  Several court appearances and apologies later, Chris Brown, dressed in baby blue and sporting a bow tie, sits down to an interview with Larry King and says…well, watch it for yourself.

He now says he was shocked when he read the police report and doesn’t really remember the events of the evening.  Until the episode airs, we won’t know what else Chris is saying, but it’s hard to imagine not remembering beating someone over an extended period of time while driving through LA, in a rented Lamborghini.  I mean, I had a particularly harrowing slap fight with my sister back in ’83 and the event and subsequent trauma is still clear as a bell today. So it’s kind of hard for me to believe Chris Brown doesn’t remember the events of the night in question.

That said, Brown’s not remembering is not the same as him saying it didn’t happen.  In fact, Brown has been publicly and privately apologetic since the event.  So, is his not remembering a ploy for sympathy, or a real reaction to an incident that was truly out of character for him?  Police reports indicate that this wasn’t the first incident of physical abuse between the pair.  So the temporary amnesia explanation isn’t as believable when your realize that there might have been a pattern of abuse.

The Larry King interview with Chris Brown is scheduled to Air on Wednesday, September 2nd. We’ll watch to see what Chris says and does, but ultimately, his legions of young fans will be the ones to decided, with their dollars, whether they’ve forgiven Brown’s really bad behavior or not.

Hulk Hogan just before he turns green

The Really Bad Boss Celebrity Foot in Mouth Edition Vol. II 

We just finished letting Jamie Foxx know that we can hear him when he says things on his radio show.  Now we learn that we also have to let Hulk Hogan know that we can read the interviews he gives when they go to print.  Hogan is a bit different from Foxx.  He’s never won an Academy Award and the safe bet is he never will.  Not long ago he was making a living tearing off his tank top and throwing people around a ring.  Plus, he’s named after a a comic strip character. We really should never take anyone seriously who legally goes by the name of a comic book character.  Ever. 

 Unlike Jamie Foxx, the bar is set lower for Hogan. Much lower. Yet he still managed to get his lip caught on it during a Rolling Stones interview.  An interview that will be published in Rolling Stone magazine and subsequently read by a lot of people.   So, when he, in the interview and on camera, sympathizes with OJ Simpson and admits to having thoughts of killing his ex-wife and her boyfriend, even people who barely paid any attention to him before, started giving him the side eye.  Apparently this is so shocking to the Hulk that he put a sleeved shirt on and apologized. His apology involved him saying he’s “misunderstood” and how difficult it is to see his ex and her boy toy in his former million dollar mansion. Maybe one of the networks will give him a reality show so he can share more of his murderous fantasies during prime time.  Or maybe they can just put him on that island with Blagojevich. 

As a celebrity, giving interviews and hosting shows is what you do for a living. It’s your job. For doing it, you get paid more in one week than most Americans make in a year.  Regardless of what you may be thinking at any particular moment in time, and whether or not those thoughts are legit, if you can’t control what comes out of your mouth for a couple of hours, maybe you should be in a different line of work.  That goes for Foxx too.  And, if as a comedienne/actor/celebrity/comic book character you feel like you are entitled to say whatever you want, then don’t come back and apologize, half assed, the next day.  It’s disingenuous, annoying, and probably most importantly to you, you’ll lose the fan base that helps you make all that money.  And, by then, no amount of turning green and busting out of your tank top and acid washed jeans will save you. Are we clear?

The Really Bad Boss Celebrity Foot in Mouth Edition – Volume I

For the 12 of you who haven’t heard, Foxx, on his satellite-radio show, went on a rant against teen sensation Miley Cyrus saying among other things, that she should “grow up, make a sex tape and do drugs.”  He also called her a little “white b****” and said he hoped she’d ”catch Chlamydia” from a bicycle seat.  Hilarious.  Your movie comes out when again?

In addition to his comments being as funny as his Miami Vice remake was good, they were really harsh considering they were directed at a 16 year old.  The rant against Cyrus came after she got into some make believe battle with Radiohead when they refused to sign autographs for her after a show.  But why is Foxx fighting Radiohead’s battles against a 16 year old?   Of course he’s since apologized.  He’s sorry.  We agree.  The truth is, he probably doesn’t really want Miley to make a sex tape, do drugs and get Chlamydia (Paris Hilton would be rendered completely useless if that happened), but I am tired of celebrities, talk show hosts and politicians making comments on tape and on the record and then looking downtrodden on TV when they, inevitably, have to apologize the day after.