Posted by denised in Here’s a new and improved list of 10 stupid things our bad bosses have done. Compiled from the true life submissions of readers, and from my own personal bad boss horror stories, the list is a Monday morning must read, if only to help you feel better about your own bad boss…
- As CEO, give your annual state of the company address loaded. Fully loaded. The following two quarters, do it again; include staggering and slurred speech for effect. As if that weren’t enough, stumble into the lap of your assistant in front of a room full of employees. Good times.
- Completely revamp the company’s sales structure. Give it three months to work, then revamp it again. Repeat every quarter for three years. Then when, as a direct result of your restructuring, half the sales force quits, systematically get rid of everyone who reports to you, blaming the company’s abysmal state on them.
- When morale is at an all time low, throw weekly potluck luncheons, blindly believing that employees will be so busy binge eating they won’t realize the CEO is drunk, the VP is insane and the HR manager is off her meds. Oh yes, send intimate gifts to your male subordinate and promote him shortly after. No one will suspect a thing.
- Call the marketing manager on a Friday night to ask her about warehouse inventory levels and why product hasn’t shipped. When she reminds you that she’s marketing and not purchasing/warehouse/sales or anything remotely related to what you’re asking, insist loudly and repeatedly that she should “know everything that’s going on with the company!”
- Insist that female employees where pantyhose, even in 100 degree weather. Conduct unannounced pantyhose checks and clandestine trashcan searches just because you can.
- While you’re at work, have the police come looking for you to investigate your passing of counterfeit bills. Leave abruptly through the back door, for an “appointment”, when you notice the officers entering the building. Don’t tell your staff you’re leaving so that the cops suspect them too. (Refer to Mark Sanford’s Disappearing Act for detailed disappearing instructions.)
- Use a clown nose and Dr. Seuss hat as props during your annual address to board members. Be hung-over when you give your presentation. As an added bonus, chug ice water directly from the water pitcher on the table in front of you. “Resign” the following week.
- At your first meeting with your racially diverse staff, begin the conversation with “the first time I ever met a black person was in college.” Convince yourself that there’s nothing wrong with introducing yourself with that statement because, you know, one of your best friends is black.
- Use the Jim Jones cult’s mass suicide by Kool-aid as a motivational tool. Continually encourage employees to “drink the Kool-aid” even after their eyes widen in fear, and they contemplate lodging a complaint with the EEOC.
- Do not take the time to remember the names of any of your employees. Instead, refer to them by their race/ethnic group/body type, i.e.: the black guy, the Asian, that fat chick.
Submit your true stories of stupid things your bosses have done to denised@reallybadboss.com, or leave them right here in the comment section.
