In my ongoing effort to help make Monday mornings a little more bearable, here’s a repost that should help you make it through the work week, one day at a time…

Years ago when jobs were plentiful (ask you parents about it), if you had a really bad boss, you’d do one of two things. You’d hit the streets – literally – in search of a new job, or you’d bite your tongue, bide your time and wait for your pension.  These days when you hit the streets, the streets hit back and pensions have gone the way of the 8-track tape and Betamax (ask your parents about that too.)  So, for many of us, for now at least, we’re stuck with our really bad bosses a lot longer than we’d planned on. So, how do you deal with a really bad boss when leaving just isn’t an option?  The answer is, one day at a time.

My most stressed times dealing with bad bosses came in anticipation of the things I feared they would say and do.  After “disobeying a direct order” (my non-military bosses actual words,) I spent an entire weekend tossing and turning, worried that I would show up to work on Monday, only to be unceremoniously escorted out the door by our version of security (the HR manager off her meds).  But after spending my entire weekend worrying about Monday, on Monday my boss never even mentioned the incident.  In fact, she never brought it up again.

Then there was the time I totaled the company car.  Yes, I totaled the company car…during my second week on the job.  Giving my really bad boss at the time, a man who never required a legitimate reason to scream and curse, the legitimate reason to top all legitimate reasons.  As he screamed and cursed at me at length in his office, I tried to defend myself – citing the helium balloons in the back seat of the car I’d hit, the full moon, and the questionable chicken salad sandwich I’d had for lunch as possible causes of the accident. It was terrible – the sandwich and the meeting with my boss.  So terrible in fact, I thought my job and career were over.  They weren’t. I survived that boss’ verbal beat-down and every one that came after that for the two years I worked for him.

The point is, we typically can’t control the actions of our really bad bosses, but we can control ours.  No matter how bad our bosses are, we work for them, and work we must. We can either do that work in anxiety and fear, or we can choose to take the high road.  By taking the high road – the road less travelled – we live above the noise and the nonsense.  If we work at it, we’ll be able to see a lot more, learn a lot more and experience the phenomenal personal and professional growth not readily found elsewhere. It’s a cliché’ for a reason, but the best way to deal with any life challenge, even one of the really bad boss variety, is one day at a time.

How do you cope with your really bad boss? Tell us in the comment section. We’ll share all your tips in a future post.

What the blogosphere’s saying about bosses this week…

No surprise here, some bosses are really bad, even across the water. According to a report released by the Chartered Institute of Management (CIM), half of us say we could do a better job than our boss, and almost half (49%) say they’d take a pay cut to work with a better manager. Check out the study and some of the UK’s worst bosses ever on MSN Money UK.

What makes a good boss? CNN Living has some suggestions. For one, good bosses treat their employees with respect. It’s amazing how far bosses can get by showing a little respect. It’s equally amazing how many bosses fail miserably at it.

”An arrogant, self-centered, immature jerk.” That’s how Scott Smith, Lifestyle Editor at Colorado’s The Pueblo Chieftain newspaper, describes his behavior as a boss during the 1980’s. In Confessions of a bad boss, our friends over at eboss Watch share Smith’s story and the wake up call that brought about a change in his behavior.

I first wrote about Stewart Heath back in August. Heath was the CEO of Equity Reality Estate who pulled a gun on his employee after the employee confronted him about a bounced payroll check. Since that story, I’ve received several comments and updates regarding other illegal activity Heath was allegedly involved in, including stealing thousands of dollars from unsuspecting victims.  Here’s the latest update from our comment thread.

somemore 2 days ago

I just called the FRANKLIN POLICE DEPT., said I needed to file a complaint against Stewart Heath, after explaining who Stewart Heath was, the person said “oh yeah, you need to speak with Det. Dixon”, left vm, Franklin PD number is 615-794-2513

Hope 2 days ago

Thanks so much, “somemore”…I just had a wonderful conversation with the delightful Det. Dixon. He really cares!! He told me to spread his name and number around. He’s seriously building a case on the little weasel! As he said, he can’t say we’ll ever see our money again, but he imagines seeing the evil little ba**ard get his due might make us all feel a little better. I feel better just knowing that someone down there gives a damn! “somemore”, are you the lady from Ohio he spoke to a little while ago?

somemore 2 days ago

Yes, I am. I called another lady down in Atlanta who Heath owes thousands
to. I know of at least 4 others who I need to spread the word to tonight.
After I read everything, I guess I could call myself lucky. Heath only
owes me the renter’s deposit and my maintenance fee. My husband and I
drove down to Nashville two months in a row to get our June and July
deposits. I definitely would like to see him get his due as well.

If you have any additional information about Stewart Heath, please share them in the comment section or email me at denised@reallybadboss.com. I’ll be sure to get the word out. To see the original comment thread, click here.

Last week in Managing the Meanies, Buck Hamilton introduced us to the classic morale busting bad boss. Morale busters often publicly humiliate their employee in a thinly veiled attempt at hiding their own incompetence and low self esteem. This week Buck tells the story of his first encounter with a classic low self-esteemer…

A Napoleonic Tyrant

A classic case study of such a dangerous low self-esteemer was at my first job at a grocery store in a small town in western Massachusetts. The store manager, Mr. Blowhard, was a Napoleonic tyrant that all of the employees were afraid of, rather a Caine Mutiny captain Queeg kind of guy whose low self-confidence anxiety made him a monster. I dreaded coming to work and he made it difficult for me to do my job. Nothing was right for Mr. Blowhard and every encounter with him brought on a storm of abusive. He would often stand by me while I was packing groceries and once he harangued me so badly that my nervousness caused me to fumble and drop a bag full of goods. It was a real spectacle with grapefruit, oranges and canned goods rolling around the check-out area, while I made the whole situation worse trying to recover the spilled articles.

He and I just didn’t hit it off. I was his whipping boy because I was only seventeen at the time and I needed the job. And he knew too that kids my age respected their elders. Heck, it was my first job and as far as I knew all bosses would be this way. Fed up with having to deal with me he transferred me to one of the other stores in a neighboring town some twelve miles away, somewhat of a hardship for me at the time given that I didn’t have a car and each day had to find my way to and from the store.

“You made me look bad, kid”

The manager there, Ralph, was glad to have me. When I reported to him on the first morning, standing there ready for duty in my grocer’s apron, dress shirt and necktie, he shook my hand, welcomed me to the store and gave me the details of what I needed to do for the day. Well, I reported to this remote store for the entire summer, worked overtime and weekends and it seemed like I never had enough time to finish my job, stocking shelves with goods, working the cash register, packing groceries and rounding up shopping carts in the parking lot. The time flew by each day, I loved the job, the customers, my happy coworkers and I loved Ralph the super-confident manager. His store, by the way, was the most profitable in Berkshire County.

At the end of the summer when my tour with the store at the neighboring town was over I reported back to Mr. Blowhard, ready for work. He berated me and accused me of holding out on him. I was perplexed by his accusations and the confusion showed on my face, which prompted him to tell me that I had received nothing but praise from Ralph for the work I had done all summer. “You made me look bad, kid”, Mr. Blowhard said and this was no doubt because when arranging my temporary transfer he had promised Ralph the worst one of the lot, me. I learned some years later, by the way, that Mr. Blowhard was fired from the company for embezzling, a felony he committed to cover a huge accumulation of gambling debts.

Next Tuesday: The Royalty Syndrome

Buck Hamilton is a sales and marketing executive who’s spent over thirty years working in the paper distribution business. He’s a prolific writer who’s presently working on a book which narrates the stories of sixteen Vietnam War veterans. You can read his weekly series  “Managing the Meanies: A Survival Guide” every Tuesday here on Really Bad Boss.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. The anxiety I felt on Sunday evenings knowing that in a few short hours I’d be back at the office working at a job I didn’t like and for a man, or woman, I didn’t respect. It was years before I’d learn how to manage my reaction to my bosses so that they didn’t wreak havoc on my entire life. Monday morning mayem is a re-post of something I shared when I first launched Really Bad Boss. It’s the true story of the time I crashed the company car and had to walk to work the following Monday morning and confront what I now know is the worst boss I’d ever have. Did I mention I’d only been working at the company for two weeks?

Monday morning mayhem – Or how to survive getting  your really bad boss, really angry on a Monday morning

For years I wasted entire Sundays absolutely dreading Monday mornings.   The uneasy feeling would start to creep in on Saturday night, and by Sunday evening, I was a basket case.  For many of us Monday spells the end of the weekend, the start of the work week and a return to a real tool of a boss.  Facing a really bad boss on a typical Monday morning is bad enough, but it’s even worse when you’ve got to face him with bad news from something that happened over the weekend.  What could you possibly do over the weekend that would require you to give your boss bad news on Monday morning?  Glad you asked.   I crashed…no… totaled the car. The company car.  Did I mention I’d been on the job for only two weeks when it happened?  I challenge anyone to top that Monday morning story.  

Thankfully no one was injured in the accident.  I still remember the two block walk of shame to the office that morning, after a totally sleepless Sunday night.  As my new colleagues sped by me on their way to work, I sensed more than saw them looking at me in their rear view mirrors wandering why the new girl was walking to work.  They all knew I had been given a company car and like a scene from The Office, were all peering over the receptionist’s shoulder when I arrived several minutes later.  I could have taken a cab, but in addition to the car, the company was paying for me to stay in a hotel until I found an apartment.  I thought it would be pretty presumptuous to take (and expense) a cab to work the day after totaling the car.   

It’s a testament to the saying "time heals all wounds" that I really don’t remember much of the conversation that took place that morning.  I do remember that it involved a lot of cursing on the Reprobate’s end (in two languages) and quite a bit of apologizing and tears on mine.   I was pretty young then, so crying was one of the only coping mechanisms I had mastered at the time.  I think I must have blacked out for a couple of minutes too because I remember someone handing me a bottle of water and seeing half of it on my shirt a few minutes later…or maybe that was sweat.  In any event, my point is this.  I dreaded that Monday morning probably more than any Monday morning I’d ever had before then and have ever had since.  Yet I survived.  I made it through the swearing, spitting (yes there was spitting) and crying that day.  Had I known 10 years later that I wouldn’t even remember the conversation clearly; I would have slept that Sunday night.  Had I known that the next two years would involve a lot more cursing, a lot less tears, and me ending up no worse for the wear, I would have had a lot fewer sleepless nights. 

It took several more bad bosses and Monday morning mayhems for me to learn that we can’t always control how our bosses treat us, but we can control how we respond.  Our really bad bosses get our talents, our time and our energy, but we own our emotions and our responses to theirs, no matter how erratic they might be. The next time I was faced with a Monday morning mayhem of that magnitude, I slept on Sunday night – not like a baby – but like an adult who knew in her heart that no matter what the boss dealt me on Monday morning, everything would be all right in the end.

If you’ve survived your own Monday Morning Mayhem, share your tale of survival with our readers. Email your story to denised@reallybadboss.com, or leave a comment in our comment section.

What the blogosphere’s saying about bosses this week…

US News & World Report – Putting everything in writing and picking your moments are just two of the tips Karen Burns gives weary employees in her article on surviving a bad boss.

Tanya Enberg writes for the Canadian blog, Canoe.ca. Her post, Baking muffins, mopping floors and avoiding nasty bosses: First jobs teach valuable lessons, is a funny look at her first job working at Mollie Muffins for a coincidentally muffin-shaped, really bad boss.

UPI – A researcher in Sweden found that the longer a person has a "poor" manager, the higher his or her risk of suffering a heart attack within a 10-year period.

TechRepublic offers 10 ways to deal with a bad boss including keeping your networks open and being clear about expectations.

We probably already knew it, but didn’t have an official study to back it up. Now we do. November’s issue of the journal Psychological Science includes the results of a study conducted by researchers Nathanael Fast of the University of Southern California and Serena Chen of the University of California, Berkeley. 

The study’s lead author, Nathanael Fast says, “It’s not just power that corrupts people and it’s not just incompetence either.” He continues, “It’s the pairing of the two that leads to aggression.”  Belittling, humiliation, sabotage – if you’ve had a really bad boss, none of these things are foreign to you. Our guest blogger, Buck Hamilton, refers to it frequently in his Managing the Meanies series. When you take people ill qualified and ill prepared to take on leadership roles and promote them into positions of power, it quickly goes to their heads and the rest of us suffer for it.  And unfortunately, I’m afraid this dynamic duo is here to stay.

You can read more about the study here. Share your really bad boss stories of power and incompetence in the comment section. We’ll feature the best story in a future post!