Ten things Really Bad Bosses do to lose our respect

Since so many really bad bosses take pride in being bad, we’ve decided to assemble a step by step guide for their viewing pleasure. Although the likelihood of them needing it is slim to none, some of the up and comers might appreciate a few tips.

Compiled from the true life submissions of readers, and from my own personal really bad boss horror stories, this manual will be the must have summer read for any really bad boss on the rise. To get things started, I’ve listed ten of the most asinine things bosses have done to immediately and irrevocably lose what little respect we ever had for them:

1. As CEO, give your annual state of the company address loaded. Fully loaded. The following two quarters, do it again; include staggering and slurred speech for effect.
2. Completely revamp the company’s sales structure. Give it three months to work, then revamp it again.  Repeat every quarter for three years. Then when, as a direct result of your restructuring, half the sales force quits, leave quickly and quietly with your golden parachute intact.
3. When morale is at an all time low, throw weekly potluck luncheons, blindly believing that employees will be so busy binge eating they won’t realize the CEO is drunk, the VP is insane and the HR manager is off her meds.
4. As a female manager, send “just because” gifts to your male subordinate.  Send them directly to the office via FedEx for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
5. Insist that female employees where pantyhose, even in 100 degree weather. Conduct unannounced pantyhose checks and clandestine trashcan searches just because you can.
6. While you’re at work, have the police come looking for you to investigate your passing of counterfeit bills. Leave abruptly through the back door,  for an “appointment”, when you notice the officers entering the building. Don’t tell your staff you’re leaving so that the cops suspect them too. (Refer to Mark Sanford’s Disappearing Act for detailed disappearing instructions)
7. Use a clown nose and Dr. Seuss hat as props during your annual address to board members. Be hung-over when you give your presentation. As an added bonus, chug ice water directly from the water pitcher on the table in front of you. “Resign” the following week.
8. At your first meeting with your racially diverse staff, begin the conversation with “the first time I ever met a black person was in college.” Convince yourself that there’s nothing wrong with introducing yourself with that statement.
9. Use the Jim Jones cult’s mass suicide by Kool-aid as a motivational tool. Continually encourage employees to “drink the Kool-aid” even after their eyes widen in fear, and they contemplate lodging a complaint with the EEOC.
10. Do not take the time to remember the names of any of your employees. Instead, refer to them by their race/ethnic group/body type, i.e.: the black guy, the Asian, that fat chick.

Submit your own Really Bad Boss stories in the comment section after the jump.

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