Tired of Really Bad Bosses, fed up employee seeks Good Boss for a change

icon1 Posted by denised in Featured Articles on 06 22nd, 2009 | one response

We didn’t get any responses to our help wanted ad the first time around. So, we’re trying again:

Help Wanted:  Frustrated and browbeaten ex-employee, tired of Really Bad Boss, seeks really good one

Frustrated ex-employee seeks Good Boss for management position.  To be considered, candidates must have at least 15 minutes prior, successful management experience.  Repeatedly telling your husband/wife/child/pet what to do is not, despite common perception, previous management experience.  Neither is managing to get to work the morning after an all night drinking binge, managing to put a matching outfit together and/or managing not to get arrested, despite repeatedly breaking the law.  Additional qualifications and requirements include:

  1. Ability to speak authoritatively without being laughed at by employees, to your face and/or behind your back
  2. Ability to increase productivity without  frightening employees and threatening violence and/or termination. Relying on  references to Jim Jones’ cult as a motivational tool will result in immediate expulsion from the company (and hopefully the country)
  3. Must know and remember the names of all six employees that report to you, especially after they’ve been there an entire year
  4. Must be able to go an entire day without; swearing, referring to female employees as girls and/or referring to various employees as “the Black”, “the Asian”, “the fat guy” etc. (see requirement #3)
  5. Must know that Microsoft Office refers to software and is not, in fact, a physical location in the building. When apprised of the fact, must not pretend you knew it all along
  6. Ability to remain sober and off furniture at holiday parties and sales meetings; If intoxication occurs, must be able to sober up before year end sales presentation the following morning
  7. Must know what you are talking about at least 51% of the time
  8. Some travel required – must be able to quickly get off high horse when it becomes abundantly clear you have messed up big time…again

Three non-family, non-paid, human references required. Email resumes to denised@reallybadboss.com, or post suggestions in the comment section. 

This ad first ran on Reallybadboss.com on May 5, 2009

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